Helpful Information & Forms

No part of losing a loved one is easy. At Snodgrass Funeral Home, we are hoping to make the process of funeral planning and grieving a bit easier for you. We realize that you may be overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done at a time like this. Whether you are planning the funeral, taking care of finances, helping others grieve, or trying to figure out how to do everything while grieving on your own, we can help. We have compiled multiple resources that we hope will help you in whatever situation you are currently dealing with.

Basic Needs of the Bereaved

  1. Companionship and Privacy–a balance between the two. They need time to reflect on their feelings, as well as time to share their feelings.
  2. Opportunity for the expression of grief without embarrassment. A comfortable environment is needed where the bereaved can be open and express their feelings.
  3. Recognition of the many symptoms that may occur as a result of intense grieving. These symptoms often occur during or after a serious illness and may include…
    • Loss of sleep
    • Loss of appetite
    • Loss of strength
    • Loss of motivation
    • Inconsistencies in behavior
  4. Support and assistance in becoming socially reactivated. They need someone upon whom they can depend and trust to help them in a variety of social situations.
  5. A firm focus placed on the crisis or loss, without being made to feel that they have a physical or mental illness.
  6. Special assistance regarding business affairs and legal matters. They need someone to help them think clearly to settle important issues and plan for the future.
  7. Above all, they need the opportunity to re-tell their experience of loss. An active listener can dramatically facilitate the healing process. Be patient and nonjudgmental. Help them discover their own conclusions to the issues they need to resolve.

What NOT To Do When Helping Someone Grieve

While there are many things you can do to help people through the pain of their grief, there are also things that don’t help at all–and that could even be hurtful. Here are some thoughts on things it’s best not to do.

    • Don’t try to “fix” things, or make it all better for the person suffering the loss–no one can ever do that.
    • Don’t use cliches, or tell people that time heals all wounds. The wound of loss will never really heal, but they will learn to live with the loss over time.
    • Don’t compare one griever’s loss or experience of grief to another’s. Comparisons seem to minimize the loss or to force grievers to behave the “right way” instead of the way they are reacting–and this can retard the healing process.
    • Don’t encourage grieving people to make major changes, such as moving, changing jobs, etc. Extreme grief clouds judgment, and the people may later regret their decision.
    • Don’t attempt to cheer them up–just be there for them, and be as supportive as you can.
    • Don’t scold, give advice, lecture, etc. Let the grief run its course–and remember that everyone heals at a different pace.
    • Don’t suggest the person can replace the one they’ve lost (“You can have another baby,” or “you’ll find someone else”). This can be alienating and excruciating for grieving people to hear–it seems to minimize their loss, even though that’s not your intent.

Forms

Resources

Grief Recovery Institute
www.grief-recovery.com
(818) 907-9600
Holiday Hotline: (800) 445-4808

Fernside
www.fernside.org
(513) 841-1012

National Funeral Directors Association
www.nfda.org
(800) 228-6332 or (262) 789-1880

GriefNet.org
www.griefnet.org

Books

  • “The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce and Other Losses” by John W. James and Russell Friedman
  • “I’m Grieving As Fast As I Can: How Young Widows and Widowers Can Cope and Heal” by Linda Sones Feinberg
  • “Gone but Not Lost: Grieving the Death of a Child” by David W. Wiersbe
  • “Remembering With Love: Messages of Hope for the First Year of Grieving and Beyond” by Elizabeth Levang, Sherokee Ilse
  • “Life Is Goodbye, Life Is Hello: Grieving Well Through All Kinds of Loss” by Alla Renee Bozarth, et al.
  • “When Your Friend Is Grieving: Building a Bridge of Love” by Paula D’Arcy
  • “How Can I Help?: How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving” by June Cerza Kolf
  • “Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas” by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
  • “Helping Your Grieving Heart for Teens” by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
  • “The Grieving Teen: A Guide for Teenagers and Their Friends” by Helen Fitzgerald
  • “When Children Grieve” by John W. James and Russell Friedman with Dr. Leslie Landon Matthews
  • “The Grieving Child: A Parent’s Guide” by Helen Fitzgerald, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
  • “35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child” by The Dougy Center for Grieving Children
  • “Nobody’s Child Anymore: Grieving, Caring and Comforting When Parents Die” by Barbara Bartocci